Children are not political footballs.
Maggie Gallagher talks to Cassidy, a 27-year-old American woman who was raised by two mothers.
What was it like for Cassidy being raised by two women she called “Mom” and “My Pat”?
“When growing up, I always had the feeling of being something unnatural,” Cassidy says. “I came out of an unnatural relationship; it was something like I shouldn’t be there. On a daily basis, it was something I was conflicted with. I used to wish, honestly that Pat wasn’t there.”
Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? “It’s not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn’t say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they’ve been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs — they want to have a child — and they are not taking into account how that’s going to feel to the child; there’s a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad.”
Sounds judgmental in print. But up close, Cassidy comes across as fiercely protective of her mom (Cassidy is a pen name she’s adopted to protect her mom’s privacy). Like many children of same-sex parents, she was expected to defend and protect her mothers from society’s homophobia.
Stop. I need a break. How can the parents of a child expect the child to defend them, the parents? That is backwards. What right do the parents have to expect that their child defend them when to even ask is child abuse? Of course, in reality, one of them was not her parent.
Her own troubled feelings about her family life were clearly unacceptable to her parents. Even now, the prospect of speaking about her own experience gives her the shakes.
Cassidy’s story is not science. It’s just her own feelings. Many researchers say most kids do just fine in these alternative family forms. Cassidy doesn’t buy that research, though. “I don’t think a fair study could be conducted because children currently in that family wouldn’t necessarily be open to speaking their true feelings about it.”
(*) (emphases added) Read this whole column by Maggie Gallagher.
For just a moment, put yourself into Cassidy’s shoes. What would life be like? Treated as a political football, you would be expected to deny yourself and your own humanity in order to protect the parents. You would dare not speak out because the ones who hurt you are your parents.
It’s important that people like Cassidy step forward. It’s important because the truth has to come out before gay marriage is made into a national requirement.
I say “requirement” because children have no choice in who raises them. Of course, every child would choose to be raised by his or her own father and mother, not any other person. Gay marriage means children are not put first.
Every child deserves the best. That includes all of the future children who, in this era of gay marriage, will need a father and a mother, no matter what the media or the government say. Keep Cassidy in mind while you contemplate the future.